My Bible

Well you call yourself a good friend huh, but I am only called upon when you read stories like this, see my distressing statuses, or want me to hear the continuous drama in your life. You call this a family, just because we possess the same blood; however you simply call upon me to do numerous favors that you would never do for me in return. I decided to write this because it has been streaming from my heart for a while and with the recent deaf of Raphael Knight it left many people asking why would he take his life. Recently I was in his position because my heart felt like this…….

What the fuck do you not see the ache in my eyes the wound over my heart. Can you not see I have been unable to see and this blindness is troubling me? I am hurting inside to the point that more than once I contemplated suicide. Yes, the devil's sin, but for reasons one would never and could never mend. It deemed on me that no one really cares, seriously. I talk to the same handful of trustworthy people all the dam time but I bet if I was to take my life today I would have a million in one facebook comments of people asking why and claiming they loved me and how they lost such a good friend. So fast forward I had to take me life for you to give a dam. Oh so you love me now, well it dam sure wasn't love when I was at school and no one called to just ask how was I doing, or if I minded if they came to visited me. 4years I had my grades placed in a folder and never once did anyone care to ask to see them or talked about them. Dancing was my life, never has anyone asked me Asia why did you stop dancing, could it be that I blame myself for an innocent person getting killed because I didn't want to gain the attention that I was his first victim getting touched. Our could it be I executed a life, so at the time we could have a good life, but now to conclude you're not even in my life, and for reasons I don't know why Yes, I aired it out because my fear is out. What could be worse than the feeling I undergo now. Don't feel pity for me but feel the guilt of an absent friend. Did I tell you things, in which you swore your lips would remind sealed, to only found out you quickly ran your mouth as fast as a childhood game of telephone and yes tongues were tied and words got twisted. Not to mention the many times you probably used me for information, because God only knows you live off the he say she say shit. I took the R out of friends and what was left was fiends a bunch of fiends thirsty for themselves, only caring for themselves, you see me with the rope around her neck. Walking off the edge of the seat..I'm crying, I am weak but you wasn't my friend when I was breathing so how can you be my friend when I have reached my defeat. I isolated myself from myself because my soul, heart and pieces of my mind were stolen by thieves, not friends but those thirsty ass fiends. Fast forward so I am died now lying in my coffin hearing sorry I was never there yea I am sorry now you give a dam.
In December doctors gave my cousin less than a week to live. I swear everyone went to the hospital to go see her that week; her hospital room looked like the dam gift shop I had just walked passed. But all jokes aside I was pissed everyone showed up because she was dying but had known of her sickness for years. That shit pissed me off. When she was getting her leg amputated, they had put her to sleep and she said the whole time she was sleep she dreamt of me, and how successful I was going to be and when she told me that I felt a sense of relief come over me because we weren't even close like that, and she had even said herself she was confused of why she dreamt of only me. 4 months later she is still alive but struggling every day. Scared to take pictures because her sickness has caused her skin to deteriorate, and the lost of her hair makes her feel ugly inside. Unable to eat, lost both of her feet and 1 leg and still losing limb by limb as the blood stop circulating to those certain parts of her body. Having to go to dialysis about 5 times a week for hours just to leave and be weak from her daily treatment. I mean I have nothing to live for, but she has a son who she probably won't see graduate from high school and be able to send off to college. Rewind so as I stand on this chair with this rope firmly wrapped around my neck, I ask God give her my life and I'll die with hers, dam don't I wish I could do that. So don't cry for me when I am gone when you never cried when I was here.


RIP RACHAEL KNIGHT 2010 UR PROBABLY EVEN GOOFY IN HEAVEN
RIP DOMINQUE STARLING 2006 HOPE UR DANCING IN HEAVEN
GOD BLESS AND EVERY1 PRAY 4 BELINDA JACKSON MY LOVELY COUSIN
DONT PAY ATTENTION TO THE DEAD PAY ATTENTION TO THE LIVING